• Life

    Summer is here and I’m working on it

    As I predicted at the end of my spring post, I am still a mess. In some ways I'm still the same mess and in other ways I am a new mess. I'm still working on many of the same things I was three months ago, but have fixed many of them and made progress on others. I'm still a mess, but as I hoped, I am a slightly happier mess.

  • Life

    My First Month Back in California

    Today marks exactly one month back in California for m and I must admit, this has not been the homecoming I had been dreaming of. It barely feels like I have been home that long, yet, at the same time it feels like I haven’t lived in Hawaii for years. I had big dreams coming home. Originally my husband and I had major road trip plans. We wanted to spend weeks on the road, living out of our car and exploring places like Joshua Tree and Zion. After my mom’s stroke, I knew that probably wouldn’t happen, but still I dreamed of days filled with hikes, friends, and fun. Instead…

  • The Other Stuff

    Strength – A Decision Not a Trait

    For what seems like forever, people have been telling me how strong I am. From family members to friends, strangers, counselors, co-workers, and even therapists. It seems like anyone who gets a look into the chaos that is my life, at one point or another, will tell me, “you are so strong!” “I wish I had your strength.” or something else along those lines. Despite how many times I have heard that I am here to confess, I am not strong. I have simply decided to be strong in the face of all the things life has thrown at me. Time and time again I have decided to swallow my fear,…