Quarantine Day 24-29: Happy Birthday Mom

I think this is probably the longest I have gone between quarantine entries, but it’s been a weird few days. In my last few entries, I mentioned that I just wasn’t feeling myself. Whether it was the rain, my anxiety, the reality of such an overwhelming situation, or maybe even a little bit of depression; I just wasn’t doing much. I was getting up in the morning at a decent time, getting dressed, taking care of my basic needs and commitments, but overall I was just going through the motions of the day.

It was getting so bad it was even starting to worry me. When my husband would come home from work I would tell him, “I’m not ok and I don’t know how to explain it or why.”

So what changed? Nothing.

Am I better? Maybe.

Probably not.

Nothing has changed in life, besides my attitude and how I’m approaching everyday. Oh, and the rain stopped which probably helped a little.

I realized that if I stay busy, I in turn don’t have time to feel “sad” or “out of it.” Is that healthy? Probably not, but it’s the best I can do right now.

On the surface I do feel better, but if I’m being 100% honest, underneath it all, deep down, when I do take a few moments to do nothing, I feel the strange feeling start to creep up. Maybe over time the working out and cleaning and being productive will release enough endorphins or whatever and I will be better, maybe this is all going to implode, or maybe I’ll have to really deal with this down the road when I have the resources. Who knows? But for now this is how I’m moving forward.

For the most part all the things on my to do list are pretty much the same, clean, workout, hoop, garden, blog. But to make sure I stay busy and stay on track I make a list every morning of what I want to do so I can physically check things off.

Since I’ve started doing this I’ve actually completed a lot of things on my to do list that I’ve been putting off. I cleaned my bathroom, deep cleaned my kitchen sink, starting taking notes for my podcast project and even started my Google Analytics Certification. I’m proud of me.

Today is my mom’s birthday and Sunday was Easter, which is one of her favorite holidays, so it has been rough but I’m pushing forward. On Easter, even though I can’t see her, I made her a simple little Easter basket and dropped it off for her. To celebrate her birthday I dropped off a birthday balloon and a piece of cake, then this morning I called her and sang her happy birthday. It was a super minor thing, but I promised her when this is all over I will make it up to her and we will do something fun!