Last time I wrote an entry, I mentioned that I thought quarantine was starting to get to me and that the days were starting to blur. I was still being productive and getting things done. Now, however, I don’t think quarantine is starting to get to me, I know it is.
I’m still working out every day and I’ve been keeping up with my 30 day hula hoop challenge, but besides that I haven’t done much more. I’m still getting my butt out of bed every day before 8 am, usually around 7:30, but I’m going to bed earlier and earlier every day. I’ve also done a terrible job of not taking naps every day. The last three, maybe even four days, I’ve napped for at least 20 minutes every day. I haven’t worked on this blog. I haven’t started work on the podcast. I haven’t worked on my home improvement list and I’ve even let the house get a little messy. But hey, I’m still getting dressed everyday. That’s something, right?
My anxiety has been acting up a lot over the last few days too. I’ve started getting really stressed that I haven’t been taking enough precautions when I’ve gone out or that I’m not taking enough precautions when my husband gets home from work. I also really miss my mom and find myself spending a lot of time worrying about how she is feeling and what she is doing.
Adding to my stress and agitating my anxiety is the fact that I’ve finally started to take the time and really try to absorb the reality of what is going on in the world. I try not to dwell on everything, but when you face reality, you cannot deny that things have gotten scary and it’s not clear when this will stop. Not only is it not clear when this will stop and when we will be able to return to a “normal” life again, but it’s still very unclear what the long term effects of this is going to be on society as a whole. What will “normal” look like in the future?
My anxiety mixed with my lack of productivity this week, has also led to a lot of negative self talk. I am already filled with anxiety and stressing out about everything little thing, which means it’s very easy, and very common, for me to head down the path of tearing myself apart. All this week I’ve been struggling with beating myself up over not only my lack of productivity this week, but in general how little I feel like I’ve done in my three weeks of quarantine. I’ve been very hard on myself specifically for not getting my podcast work done, not starting my Google Analytics Certificate, and not playing with illustrator for my shirts. Although logically I know this is a hard transition for everyone and off/sad unproductive days are expected and normal and I know that overall I’ve been doing a very good job, it’s really hard for me to not mentally beat myself up.
Adding to all this Southern California has been hit with an very wet and cold springtime storm. Normally I love the rain, but after not really being able to leave my house for three weeks, this storm has not been helping my mental health. I can’t go outside and walk to give myself of change of scenery and clear my head. I can’t get my steps in by walking around the house every few hours. And I’m cold. Just really cold all the time and it makes it so tempting to just crawl back into bed.
On top of all of that, I haven’t felt very good that last few days. I don’t think it’s anything to be concerned about, although with what’s going on it’s hard not to let your mind go there. I’m pretty sure it’s just really bad allergies, sore throat, watery eyes, and sneezes that don’t stop, mixed with my anxiety induced sadness. And again, this cold weather doesn’t help anything.
Hopefully, I can get my shit together and get back on track soon.
Beyond all my personal negativity and complaints from the last few days, I guess I could say masks have been the one piece of productivity I have to share.
As I write this, Los Angeles City (not LA County) and many of the nearby areas have made face coverings mandatory for everyone when they leave their home. I’m in LA County, but not LA City, so this technically doesn’t effect me yet, but I feel it is only a matter of time. Because of this I went ahead and ordered some handmade masks from a friend, just in case. And please note, I can’t sew.
I picked them up a few days ago and they work perfect for me, but unfortunately were too small for my husband, who is really the one that needs them. So, he put me to work figuring out how to make them myself. Monday, it took me all day, but I made one by hand for him. I was very proud of myself, but after that we decided we needed a sewing machine and borrowed one from his mom. Today we finally finished up enough masks for my husband to rotate when he works, as well as one for his nephew, his mom, and his dad.