• Life

    2019 Nearly Killed Me – A Look Back on the Year

    2019 made me it's bitch and I honestly feel like I'm lucky to be standing. This year tested me physically and emotionally; and looking back I failed myself at every turn. I thought 2018 was a tough year for me, but I made the most of it. I grew. I learned new things. And I started to get better. A lot of good came out of the bad of 2018.

  • Life

    Summer is here and I’m working on it

    As I predicted at the end of my spring post, I am still a mess. In some ways I'm still the same mess and in other ways I am a new mess. I'm still working on many of the same things I was three months ago, but have fixed many of them and made progress on others. I'm still a mess, but as I hoped, I am a slightly happier mess.

  • Life

    Spring has arrived and I am a mess

    I am a mess. I’m fat, frustrated, probably a little depressed, and 100% lost in life. I’ve been back in California for almost two months now and things are not going as I had planned. Worse than that it seems like all the progress and promises I made on myself and to myself have gone out the window. When I left Hawaii, I still had a lot of work to do on myself to get to who I want to be and where I want to be, but I also felt like I had made a lot of progress and somewhat mapped out and set myself on a pretty clear…

  • Life

    Looking back at 2018

    This year has been a crazy roller coaster ride, filled with unexpected ups and downs and, just like a roller coaster, it’s leaving me at pretty much the exact same spot I got on, just a little shaken, beaten and bruised. I don’t regret this roller coaster of a year, it taught me a lot, allowed me to experience so many new things, and, for the most part, changed me for the better. I don’t regret this roller coaster year, but it’s not one I would like to ride ever again. This time last year I had just been laid off from my job of nearly two years. The lay…

  • Life

    My Weight and 30 Day Challenges

    I am currently the heaviest I have ever been and even though I know I haven’t been doing everything I can to fix it, I haven’t been taking it well. This isn’t a completely new development either. Although I’m not overweight and never have been, I have struggled with and at times even obsessed over my weight; never happy with how I looked for most of my life. My current weight “issue” is one I’ve had since I arrived here in Hawaii. Between the time I left California and arrived in Hawaii, I put on nearly 20 lbs and I haven’t been able to shake it. I’d get serious and…