What the F**K am I doing?

That is a very good question and I honestly wish I had the answer.

I’ve always been a writer. I have always loved writing stories and poems. I’ve always had a love affair with words. I obsess over song lyrics and movie dialogue. I also love photography and videography. I love telling stories and creating things, but I’ve never given myself the opportunity to fully pursue those passions. That is until now.

In college, I studied both photography and journalism but ultimately abandoned them for what I thought was a more clear career path.

I’ve always dreamed of writing a book, but I’ve never gotten beyond short stories.

I’ve had blogs in the past but treated them more like a hobby.

So what am I doing? What is this?

This is me giving myself the opportunity and freedom to throw myself into the creative work I have always dreamt of; with no limits, no restrictions, and the scariest part of this…no concrete plan. I’ve always known I wanted to create and I’ve always dreamt of working for myself, but I never could decide how. My interests have always been too varied for me to pin down that one niche area I wanted to focus on. I love food and entertainment and nature. I’ve had some crazy experiences and sometimes I have very deep thoughts. I want to write. I want to take pictures. I want to make videos and podcasts.

I want to do so many things and I have wasted years obsessing over picking the right topic and right outlet. I’ve obsessed over those key components that I was taught in school were necessary to have even a remote chance at success in this field. I’m so all over the place I could never decide. I could never pick just one thing. And in my obsession to follow the rules and do as I’ve been taught, I have let years pass by without really trying anything.

So, thanks to certain circumstances and events (which we will eventually get into), a little bit of therapy, a supportive husband, and a ticking time bomb on my relatively secure military life, I have decided that it is now or never and I’m just going to throw everything I’ve got out into the world. I’m going to try a bit of everything, figure it out as I go, and pray that with time things will start to make sense and this will start to look like something.

So I guess what I’m doing is saying f**k it to the self-doubt, uncertainty, and the unknown.

Beyond that? I’ve got no idea. But I am going to figure it out and I’m bringing you all with me!

One Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *