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Confession Time: I Obsess and Overthink Everything (Almost)
You see I'm the person that will write and re-write an email or a text over and over again obsessing over every word, even when it's not an important message. When someone takes too long to write me back I'll worry that my sense of humor or sarcasm was misread and literally have to stop myself from texting back to clarify (99% of the time I'm reading into nothing and logically I know that, but that doesn't help me). After I hang out with an old friend I'll replay the afternoon or the evening in my head worried that I may have done something wrong. And even when there is…
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Reminder to Believe in Myself
Today marks five years exactly since I got on a plane and moved to Hawaii. I've talked about that experience many times on this blog, but today's anniversary hit different. Today's anniversary was a perfectly timed message from the universe. Today reminded me that I'm amazing and I can accomplish impossible things. And I really needed that.
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Plans for a Healthier September
My body aches. I get headaches and stomach aches all the time. My anxiety is back at full force and my emotions are all over the place. My clothes are fitting tight again and my muscle mass is disappearing. I'm just one big mess again. So this month I've decided to get back on track and I'm listing my goals here to keep me in check and hold me accountable.
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Quarantine Day 20-23: I’m Still Here
Last time I wrote an entry, I mentioned that I thought quarantine was starting to get to me and that the days were starting to blur. I was still being productive and getting things done. Now, however, I don't think quarantine is starting to get to me, I know it is. I'm still working out every day and I've been keeping up with my 30 day hula hoop challenge, but besides that I haven't done much more. I'm still getting my butt out of bed every day before 8 am, usually around 7:30, but I'm going to bed earlier and earlier every day.
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Anxiety and Negative Self-Talk in the New Year
Going into 2020 I had all these plans, just like everyone else, for the new and improved me. I was going to workout more and eat better. Save money. Eat out less. Start reading again. Stay on top of my blog post and make better content. Embark on all those projects I keep saying I'm going to do, but never even start.
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2019 Nearly Killed Me – A Look Back on the Year
2019 made me it's bitch and I honestly feel like I'm lucky to be standing. This year tested me physically and emotionally; and looking back I failed myself at every turn. I thought 2018 was a tough year for me, but I made the most of it. I grew. I learned new things. And I started to get better. A lot of good came out of the bad of 2018.
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Summer is here and I’m working on it
As I predicted at the end of my spring post, I am still a mess. In some ways I'm still the same mess and in other ways I am a new mess. I'm still working on many of the same things I was three months ago, but have fixed many of them and made progress on others. I'm still a mess, but as I hoped, I am a slightly happier mess.
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Spring has arrived and I am a mess
I am a mess. I’m fat, frustrated, probably a little depressed, and 100% lost in life. I’ve been back in California for almost two months now and things are not going as I had planned. Worse than that it seems like all the progress and promises I made on myself and to myself have gone out the window. When I left Hawaii, I still had a lot of work to do on myself to get to who I want to be and where I want to be, but I also felt like I had made a lot of progress and somewhat mapped out and set myself on a pretty clear…
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My First Month Back in California
Today marks exactly one month back in California for me and I must admit, this has not been the homecoming I had been dreaming of. It barely feels like I have been home that long, yet, at the same time it feels like I haven’t lived in Hawaii for years. I had big dreams coming home. Originally my husband and I had major road trip plans. We wanted to spend weeks on the road, living out of our car and exploring places like Joshua Tree and Zion. After my mom’s stroke, I knew that probably wouldn’t happen, but still, I dreamed of days filled with hikes, friends, and fun. Instead,…
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Strength – A Decision Not a Trait
For what seems like forever, people have been telling me how strong I am. From family members to friends, strangers, counselors, co-workers, and even therapists. It seems like anyone who gets a look into the chaos that is my life, at one point or another, will tell me, “you are so strong!” “I wish I had your strength.” or something else along those lines. Despite how many times I have heard that I am here to confess, I am not strong. I have simply decided to be strong in the face of all the things life has thrown at me. Time and time again I have decided to swallow my fear,…
